Motherhood

When Mother’s Day comes around, I am guaranteed several things: handmade gifts from the kids, some kind of stationery, a homemade breakfast, messages from loved ones…and a little yearning in my heart for my own mom. As each year goes by, Mother’s Day feels different. It has shifted to being about me. I don’t know exactly when it happened but I am now at that point where I truly feel like the mother figure in my family, and I hope my mom continues to guide me to be everything that role entails. As I wrote about recently, my family suffered another loss last month, my mom’s eldest sister. I learned that losing a mother figure can completely rip open that wound, and I learned that ‘mother’ lives in many people. In the midst of this emotional time comes the release of a project I was lucky to be a part of – a tribute to moms called Moms Run On Chai. It’s a production by Pink Chai Media for Tea India, and it’s special to me for many reasons. Have a quick look at the video – see if you can spot me, my oldest daughter and my son!

Here are 5 reasons why I’m thrilled to be part of Moms Run On Chai:

1. 1. When I was getting into role for this video (I know, I’m a mom…I should already be in ‘role’) I had to conjure up a really motherly feeling. While I packed the lunch kit, checked in on my daughter sleeping, poured the tea, reflected on my day in the scenes of this video, I had to get into character of the mommiest mom I ever knew. And it was MY mom. One hundred percent. She was that mom who did everything to make our mornings easy, our days go well, and our nights comfortable. Whether it was bringing us snacks as we studied, praying for us through anything, researching extracurricular activities, and much, much more, she did it with what I obviously have subconsciously absorbed as the essence of motherhood. Caregiving. That’s what it was. So, as I was going through each scene, I truly felt like my mom was with me. And watching the video I can even see her reflected. She would have shared the heck out of this video, too. I know she would have been proud.
   2. I got to do this with two of my kids! I love that this day was a memory for the 3 of us, and this video like a keepsake of that experience. I’m usually the one taking the pictures or the videos. My selfie skills and short arms create some odd captures when I’m trying to incorporate myself in photos with them. To have a professional team shoot us was awesome. Photo Credit: AzizDhamani.com
   3. I had declared 2017 as Taslim’s Year of Fun and started it off with trips to the theatre to watch live productions. That got me thinking about different art forms, and what I’ve tried and what I haven’t. I kid you not when I tell you, I actually thought to myself, “I haven’t tried acting.” In fact, I thought about it several times before this opportunity came up; when it did, I tossed my name in the hat for selections to be made by Tea India. And I didn’t hesitate, either. This was something I truly wanted to try and the whole experience with how I got the gig just reaffirmed my belief in manifesting parts of our journey.
   4. Making chai is symbolic of so much for me. It is a long time tradition in my family to serve and drink tea several times a day, and while I’m not a 3-cups a day type of person, I do enjoy more than just the taste of a good cup of chai. It’s knowing that I am taking part in something that my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents also did. It’s like sharing something from their lifetime when so much else has changed, including geography. And I love that I am the chai-maker in my family at our gatherings. One of my favourite parts of having people over is asking them, “Who wants chai?” and seeing all the hands go up. Then I retreat to the kitchen and get just the right number of tea bags. When I get positive feedback on the chai, my heart literally swells. Making a good cup of chai is taking care of somebody, offering them comfort and relaxation. So, working with a brand who truly values this was perfect. Photo Credit: AzizDhamani.com
   5. Last but not least, this project allowed me to work with my friend Raj from Pink Chai Media who I met years ago online. She asked me on Twitter to meet her for tea and our friendship has grown since that first chai date. Neither of us dreamed that we’d get to collaborate on something like this, though! Through Raj, I got to meet Aziz who is a whiz behind that lens! Working with him and videographer Gabriel Gonzales was so much fun. They made that full day go by quickly and I even got to practice a little aperture-talk I had just learned from a recent photography class, plus try out a few Spanish phrases on Gabriel. And you might recognize my friend Salma showing her strength with the kettlebell in the video? Life brings amazing people to me year after year. I’m blessed to be surrounded by people with such creative talent and a love of art.

Are you a tea-drinker? A chai-lover? Then you should head over to Tea India’s Facebook contest and enter to win a year’s supply of tea! Contest ends 11:59 pm May 15, 2017. Good luck!

Tell me about your favourite cup of tea or tea memory in the comments! I’d truly love to hear!

Have you ever heard the term ‘inner critic’? I talk about it in my writing classes. It’s that voice of self-doubt, even ridicule, that keeps you from writing (or living) with the freedom you should. Over the years of being mindful of this voice, I’ve gotten to know all the sneaky tricks it tries to pull. But there are still times when that voice is loud and I need something else to counter it. Ranbir Puar from Spirituality for Reality Inc has the perfect antidote for me: my inner champion.

I consider my inner champion as that place from which to draw strength. It’s the truth about who I am, how deserving I am of love and respect, and how strong I can be in adversity. Last fall, I participated in a 4-week webinar put on by Ranbir all about awakening that inner champion and I loved it! It was a supportive group environment where we tried exercises and shared experiences. There was always time for asking questions and we were even given tools, including email access to Ranbir, to help us get through the week till the next session. It’s pretty exciting that she now has a 6-week webinar offering the same and more, and it’s starting on May 9!

If you’re still not sure what the signs of a loud inner critic are, here’s what Ranbir has to say:

1. You don’t sleep well.  You either have a hard time falling asleep, or you wake up through the night and can’t go back to be. OR you wake up tired, even though you have slept!
2. Failure cripples you.  When things go right or wrong, your inner critic shows up and takes charge of your inner dialogue. Undercutting your successes and deepening your failures by insisting you will never measure up.
3. You don’t nourish your body, mind and spirit well. When your self-image is high, you tend to pay close attention to what you feed your body, mind and your spirit. Not because you are afraid, but because you are worth it!
4. Your language/communication with others tends to have a negative slant/focus. Audit your conversations, including your inner voice.  How you speak to yourself when you are alone with your thoughts is a true test of the strength of your inner champion/inner critic.   
5. Your close relationships are tense. Many people treat strangers better than they treat the people they love. How you give AND receive love is key for a strong self-image, a strong inner champion. Do an audit, objectively assess the love in your life.  Remember love is life’s true currency.  It is the size of your heart, not the size of your wallet, that matters.

As a mom, I think it’s important for me to have an awakened inner champion because that’s the same pool from which my motherhood is drawn. I want to offer my kids the best of me and it’s easiest for me to do that when I feel at peace with myself. In fact, I’m considering my participation in her next webinar as my Mother’s Day gift to myself. It’s a great time of year to think about me and who I am as a woman and a mom. Maybe there’s a mom you know who’d like this gift, too?

I’m happy to offer you coupon code taslim10 for this webinar. You can share the code with anyone you think would benefit.

I hope to see you there!

Right after the U.S. election this past November, the internet was ablaze with news that a march was being organized in Washington, D.C. My friends and I were like, “We should go!” And really, though we felt we should go, it wasn’t something we could do for various reasons. Other than catching some tweets and reading things here and there, the march in D.C. on January 21st, 2017 wasn’t looking like a part of my reality.

A week before the scheduled march, though, I learned that there was one being organized in Vancouver which isn’t too far from where I live. So, the idea began to brew again: I should go!

If you recall, I’ve been struggling with this mental block of feeling like I don’t have the freedom to do the things I want. Not because anyone is tying me to a chair and telling me this, but because every time I look at my calendar to check if an event is feasible, I encounter 4 other people’s schedules. The odds of a clash are great. So, for a long time I have been telling myself, ‘I can’t’ or ‘It’s too hard.’

The idea of going to the march in Vancouver planted itself in my head but every time it came to the forefront of all the other things occupying my brain, I would send it back into the depths of my mind with a reason why it wouldn’t work or why it would be too complicated. Now, I’m not entirely irrational about this. It is sometimes complicated. But sometimes it’s also a matter of getting creative, or even getting brave. Like when I decided at 7 am last Saturday that I would take my 3 year old daughter whether or not it was the best idea. I just knew that if I didn’t at least try, I would always wish I had.

When my 9 year old heard I was going she wanted in on it, too. So, I let her skip her religion class that morning and in fact, I was thankful for her company and the extra set of hands I kind of knew I would need. I made sure the stroller was in the van, snacks were packed for both girls and figured we would just get there and see how we fared.

Getting there was a breeze – I couldn’t believe I didn’t hit any traffic! I found meter parking a couple blocks from Jack Poole Plaza, and the girls and I followed the pink hats down toward the music. We got right up close to the stage. Once we found the spot we would hang out at over the next 45 minutes to listen to speeches, my youngest asked for a snack. And then she asked for another, and another, and got louder and louder. I had to cave and give her my oldest daughter’s snacks, too! As predicted, my youngest got tired of sitting in her stroller so I let her out. Unfortunately, she didn’t just want to be out of the stroller, she wanted to push it through a crowd of peaceful protesters who were standing still. She literally was the only violent protester there, ramming wheels into unsuspecting people’s ankles. Finally, I got her back in the stroller and handed her her water bottle which she was pleased to see after inhaling all those salty snacks. Less than two minutes later, when they announced we would now start marching, the woman to my right tapped me on the shoulder and said, “She’s spilled her water.” And that she did. All down the front of her shirt and pants. And it pooled in her lap, soaking her through to her skin.

I’ll fast forward to say, we left at that point! But do I regret my last-minute attempt at being part of a movement I believe in? No. Do I regret taking my oldest who was amazed at the number of people who care about important issues? No. If there’s a march again and my youngest is still in this stage of ‘eat and spill all the things’ will I leave her at home? Absolutely.

Here are my first 5 quick thoughts about the Women’s March on Washington in Vancouver:

1. Wow, we have a lot of activists in the Lower Mainland!
2. I’m thankful my oldest understood that all these people care about HER – as a girl, as a person of colour, as a human being.
3. I can’t believe we are still marching about these things, but I’m damn proud that we are.
4. I don’t understand why the local Black Lives Matter chapter was not included in the planning, organizing and presenting of this march. I’m looking into that today for another article.
5. I’d like to see how we can go forward as an inclusive, action-centric movement.

Did you attend the march in your area? What were your thoughts? Favourite signs? ‘Like’ our Facebook page, Her Story Media, for some more thoughts on feminism and women’s experiences.