My husband and I are 13 years in. We’re also 3 kids in. And 2 businesses in. And often it feels like we’re being pulled in every direction except together. We made a conscious decision, one that requires constant check-ins, to make time for each other…but relationships need more than just the scheduled date night now and again. And while catching a movie together on the couch is perfect after a long week, Tara Caffelle has better ideas for revving up your relationship’s engine.
When I heard that one of her clients dubbed her the Relationship Fairy Godmother I had to find out exactly why she earned that title and what she was all about. I had the chance to interview her about some of the things that are on my mind, and I’m sure many of you can relate as well.
Without further ado, here’s Tara!
What inspired you to start a business as the fairy godmother of relationships?
I have always known that our relationships and our communication have a ripple effect to everyone in our lives, and supporting these is my own way of affecting the change I would like to see in the world. The “fairy godmother” name actually came from a client I was working with a few years ago and it stuck.
They say that the roles we choose for ourselves in business or careers often carry with them personality traits, values or interests we had as children. Would you say this is true for you? If so, what have you carried over form childhood into this role as a relationship coach?
I think I was always pretty coach-like, while also being a bit of a bossy-boots…! The abilities I have that most serve the couples I work with—that I can see the truth when it’s not obvious, tease out empowerment and then harmonize it all—have always been with me, and it was a huge relief to find this work and have it hum along so smoothly for me. All coaches have the wealth of their own life experiences to add to their work, and I was lucky to have the family, relationships, and career behind me that benefit all of my clients now.
I agree that all the stones that pave our way contribute to who we are in the present. I like that you being able to be yourself benefits your clients!
As a woman and an entrepreneur, how do you balance the rest of your life? Do you have any support systems in place? Or any self-care measures you rely on?
This is something I’ve played with over the years, with varying success! I used to just work. All the time, all hours of the day and I would burn myself out, over and over again. And then after a tragic personal loss last year, I started to focus in on the softer side of my business, so now I hire a Dream Team to help me with things that I don’t enjoy and have no business doing or need support with, and I prioritize creating and resting because it helps me to keep moving forward. It’s been helpful to be strict with my boundaries and hours, and have personal goals (for example, I trained for and hiked the West Coast Trail this past summer) that get me outside. Keeping my own care intentional is one of my not-so-secret weapons.
I love that ‘rest’ is a priority for you and that self-care is intentional. It’s so easy to burn-out if you’re a one-woman show.
You talked about hiring people to do the parts of your business that are less enjoyable for you. So, what does make you jump out of bed in the morning? What do you LOVE about your work?
I just love, and I mean LOVE, having conversations with my clients, so that’s an easy answer. I get to spend my day having insightful, deep conversations and celebrating when my clients learn about themselves in new ways—I feel like I should pinch myself. I’m also writing my first book, so when I don’t have clients, that gets me out of bed pretty easily, too.
I’m sure your book will be fun and insightful to read!
OK, so imagine there is a woman reading this who is on the brink of starting her own business. What advice do you have for her, entrepreneur-to-entrepreneur?
Rest. Consider that sometimes the one thing you need to do to bring your business forward is to take a break and play with your kids at the park. Trust your intuition. Don’t get caught up in what everyone else is doing. Run your business from what feels great and has your heart, and you won’t go wrong. Learn from everything and everyone, and don’t be afraid to fail (it’s really the best place to learn.) And hire a coach to be a teammate with you.
That’s really great advice and even a little contradictory to what’s out there. As someone who is bombarded by sponsored ads and posts telling me I need to buy in to someone else’s techniques and ideas for earning 6 figures etc. it’s nice to hear that my intuition matters! Thanks for sharing that.
Now…couples stuff! What advice do you have for couples with small children who can’t seem to find the time or energy to be a couple, and not just partners running a household?
This can be tough and clients ask about this all the time. I think keeping it simple and intentional is key; spend just a few moments each day saying good-bye and greeting each other, take just 10 minutes to have a check-in on the day that goes a little deeper than “How was your day…good” and keep the connection mindful. I would recommend creating opportunities for connection while you make dinner or even land in the shower together at the end of the day. We can make this be an arduous thing and then we set ourselves up for failure, when “small things often” can do the job.
I’m sure you have more gems where that came from. You have a Super Couple Tune-Up retreat coming up on Sat Nov 19 in Burnaby. Can you tell us what couples can expect from this one day workshop?
I would love to tell you that there will be dancing bears and a fire walk, but the truth is, they’ll have some great conversations, learn some simple things that will keep them connected through all kids of challenges, and learn some practical tools. I will be guiding couples through a slowing-down and looking at where they are, WHO they are together, and where they would like to go. It’s a pause, it’s a time to take a day, sit next to one another, and say “Here’s what I want for you, you incredible person I get to spend my life with, and here’s how you can count on me.” So basically, they can expect a whole bunch of simple and accessible MAGIC.
So, no bears or fire, but a great day of connecting. And I see on the registration page that lunch and door prizes are also included!
Thank you, Tara, for hanging out with us here.
Thank you for having me!
More about Tara:
Tara Caffelle is a life and relationship coach and writer. Through her work as a coach, Tara helps individuals and couples rediscover themselves and their wants and needs through open and honest communication.
As a relationship coach, Tara provides couples with a safe place to land – a term she calls “Downpouffy”. Tara can be your relationship cheerleader or your relationship referee – it all depends on where the relationship is and where it needs to be. Whether it’s navigating your relationship after a baby, testing out an open marriage or simply wanting to heat things up, Tara helps couples get to the next stage in their relationship as a team.