I’ve asked myself versions of this question over the last almost 8 years. Although, at first, my questions focused more on ‘surviving’ rather than ‘thriving’. How do I get through this awful sleep deprivation? When will I be able to do something for myself in the evenings? Will my husband and I ever have moments alone – like, ever?
And then from those thoughts came my plunge into the abyss of ‘Who am I?’ My identity outside of being a mother was slipping from me. At the same time, I felt like I hadn’t taken any confident steps forward as a mom. In fact, it wasn’t until my second child was about a year and a half, that my Self started emerging more and more – and this blog was one of the results of that.
If you ever have moments as a mom when you feel:
- scattered or disorganized
- longing for more time to execute your ideas
- lack of purpose
- missing the ‘old you’
…you are not alone. In fact, Conscious Divas has put together an event called Thriving Moms in Vancouver on April 1, 2015 from 6:30-9:30 pm that I think you will LOVE. Please keep reading for more details and a chance to win tickets at the end of this post!
It took a lot of soul-searching through journalling, crying on the kitchen floor, a career change, conversations with my husband, recruiting help from outside the family, and finding community for me to be where I am today. As a mom to 3 kids (ages 7, 5 and 1), I am finally asking myself this question:
What does it mean to me to be a thriving mom?
Actually, during a journalling session last week, I ended up writing down: What exactly do I need to feel like I’ve got my shit together? Which basically qualifies what ‘thriving’ means to me.
It’s more than just getting through the day; it’s enjoying my days in a way that is totally authentic.
It’s taking care of myself physically – and not just grabbing a shower as often as possible, but doing the other little things like my nails. Getting to my workouts. Getting fresh air.
It’s taking care of my home. I’ve discovered that the state of my kitchen and laundry situation really affect my moods. When these things go out of control, I feel paralyzed because I don’t know where to start – so then I let it go another day. And then the next day, I feel worse. When I am on top of it, I feel more calm.
It’s taking the time to do what makes me feel good. Cooking fresh food. Reading. Date nights. Spending time with girlfriends. Being with my family. Hosting our friends and family.
It’s taking my business seriously. Working on my biz is like play for me. It’s creative and exciting – and constantly challenges me to show up authentically. It’s also a growing entity and as such, it deserves the appropriate nurturing tools. Continuing education. Time. Energy. Financial resources.
It’s giving each of my children what they need. Three kids. Different ages. Super different needs. I think the greatest gift I can give them is to know them, love them for who they are, guide them, and then cross my fingers and hope for the best. I remind myself of this Gibran poem almost weekly, and it really helps me to feel less anxious about not being in total control.
[Tweet “Being a #ThrivingMom means receiving the help I am given: from within and from those around me.”]
You didn’t think I could keep it together on my own, did you? Ha! I don’t even want to be that person who tries to tackle that all solo. There is joy and friendship and community in asking for help. My husband and I catch up on each other’s day as we match socks. My writing friends and I exchange tidbits and work leads – and these lead to coffee dates and ‘Hey, how are your kids feeling today?’ A dose of fresh air in the dark, early mornings is easier to swallow with a neighbour whose company I love. My awesome siblings are on rotation for babysitting so my husband and I can eat a hot meal together – outside the home. When I worry about my kids, I turn to the other women in my family: aunts, cousins, and my grandma.
Thriving also means that on the days my shit don’t stay together, I have hope that everything will look different after I throw my hands up in the air, enjoy some belly laughs with my kids and down a good cup of decaf tea.
If you would like to continue this conversation in person – not just with me but with so many other local women – please join me!
You know what you need to thrive. A night like this can make getting there, or being there, just a little more fun!
I hope to see you there!