I was always a dreamer. I got through high school with my nose buried in my journal every night, laying down my plans and aspirations for leaving my mark on this world. I truly believed the world needed me to do my magic, that I could use my gifts of an open mind, a compassionate heart, my pen and my voice to shed light on humanitarian issues. I only needed adulthood to liberate me, to take me out from under the thumb of everyone else who made my decisions for me. But when adulthood came, it brought with it something I was not expecting.
A seed of fear began to grow in the pit of my stomach. What if my dreams and aspirations led nowhere? What if I didn’t make a difference and ended up a ‘nothing’, not having done anything or been a part of anything that would better the lives of others? What if my existence ended up being a joke rather than a joy? And the fear brought with it this thought: I should choose a path that is practical and already-paved.
By my third year of post-secondary education, I traded in English, History and Sociology for Linguistics, Psychology and Statistics and put my nose to the grindstone to earn my Master of Arts in Speech Language Pathology. In 2005, I was awarded my degree, landed a job in the public sector and opened up a small private practice.
And the fear grew larger. Because now I was even farther from my truth. The greatest lesson I learned during my post-secondary education was I could be darn good at what I studied – earning scholarships, paid research assistant positions, and my name in Who’s Who Among Students in Universities (an American recognition) – but that didn’t mean anything at the soul level.
Two years into my career as a speech-language pathologist, I had my first baby. In the midst of the diapers, breastfeeding, and complete shaking of my world, I picked up my pen again. I share more about my journey back to my writing in my chapter in Heartmind Wisdom Collection 2 – a journey which eventually led to me hanging up my license as a speech-language pathologist.
But could I forge ahead in a new career, my purpose-path, while having babies? There were times I asked myself this question, tears streaming down my face, slumped on the kitchen floor, feeling totally defeated. Was it just really bad timing that I remembered my heart’s calling as I entered this totally selfless, busy and incredible roller-coaster of a world known as motherhood? Could I be a mother and a professional writer in this lifetime?
I say yes. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that becoming a mother and remembering my ‘reason for being’ happened simultaneously. In fact, they feed off each other. What I want for me is what I want for my children and vice versa. My children give me more incentive to shine my authentic light, to really show up in this world, to leave a legacy – because, boy, are they ever watching. And I want them to know they can do the same – raise a family and be the best version of themselves in whatever capacity they choose.
This is why when an event like Leading Moms shows up in my path, I’m so there. Even with babe in arms, even if I have to breastfeed in the middle of the speaker talks, even if I have to stand in the aisle bouncing her while soaking in the power of these amazing women – these women, who I know will remind me that what I want, for me and my children, is totally possible.
It’s not seamless, but not only can motherhood and dream-chasing co-exist – they MUST. And along the way we are always learning how these parts of ourselves can live in harmony.
About Leading Moms
On September 26, 2014,VancouverMom.ca, Entrepreneur Mom Now, and JellyBeen will be hosting the third annual Leading Moms. Be among an audience of other moms in a day filled with stories from mothers making a difference in the arts, business, health, media, politics and more. You’ll hear about their personal journeys in motherhood through a mix of performance, video and intimate talks delivered straight from the heart.
- Tamara Taggart, Award-Winning Broadcaster
- Andrea Thomas Hill, Founder of Cause We Care
- Marnie Goldenberg, Sex Educator
- Keri-Anne Livingstone, Certified Professional Coach
- Louise Green, Founder of Body Exchange
- Michele Kambolis, Mental Health Expert
- Madeleine Shaw, Co-Founder of Lunapads
- Jen Schaeffers, Executive Director of CKNW Orphans’ Fund
- Comfort Ero, Master Storyteller
All of the early-bird tickets are sold out, but there are still some regular tickets left! And if you use coupon code lmfriends, you get 15% off here. Free childcare is available from sponsors Kids and Co. but again limited, so if you’re interested, click over right now. I’d love to see you there. Let me know if I can look out for you!
Take a Look at this Short Clip of Last Year