Lately I’ve been feeling ‘off’. I don’t know how else to describe it. A friend of mine suggested maybe it’s leftover hormonal goodness from my pregnancy but no, that doesn’t seem right. I do have some leftover treats from this pregnancy – some new skin tags and a different shoe size (just one foot, I think), but this ‘off’ feeling isn’t part of that.
It’s like feeling like I’m missing something: the point, the train, something like that. These past few months have been jam-packed. Sure, I’m back to doing the diaper thing and breastfeeding at inopportune times like school pick-ups. But that part hasn’t felt as busy as my work life. Since December I have been handed one opportunity after another in several areas I have been wanting to explore: freelance writing, marketing/public relations, speaking and on top of that, of course, the What If…? book decided it was time to be launched into the world. (If you think book-birthing is always planned, think again. It’s much like child-birthing…you know it’s going to be some time around a given date and then all of a sudden there’s the urge to push – and heaven help you if you try to stop it.) I have no idea how this is all happening or how it’s unfolding, but as I said the other day on Facebook: “Do your freaking best to get ‘er done, and the Universe will provide you with a freaking miracle.” Of that, I have never been more sure.
I still have a few hairy weeks to go. Between now and May 31 there are 6 put-myself-out-there events/projects to be carried out. Again, I don’t know how that happened and as an introvert, these things feel enormous. When I was pregnant, I knew I had to keep somewhat busy with my work or I’d lose my mind (as I learned from child #1 and which benefited me greatly with child #2). But it’s somewhat comical that the minute I pushed her out (ok, honestly, it was a little later that same day) I got my first email that started this snowball, inviting me to submit an article to the Conscious Divas blog.
It has been an incredible learning process. It’s like the first half of this year is about taste-testing the various avenues I’ve been considering along this new career path, and I am very quickly able to say yup, or nope, to where I want the rest of the year to go. I just have no way of explaining how this is happening. In one of our devotional songs, there is a line ‘je je mangu, te tuhi deve’ which means ‘Whatever I ask for, that’s what you give me’. And I am grateful. Because even though I am in the thick of it right now and feeling slightly (read: totally) out of my comfort zone, I feel I am better equipped to make certain choices.
Sometimes feeling ‘off’ is not a bad thing. It’s a strong directional that, if you take a step back, you can truly appreciate. I’m looking forward to getting ‘er done and invite the Universe to send the miracles along the way. I see the second half of 2014 being better off for it.