Things have been busy around here. In the next two months, I’m launching 3 Let ME Out!! products, redesigning my living room and walking my dad down the aisle, so to speak. All fabulous things but they’re making my to-do list look like the crazed markings of a lunatic.
I opened my eyes this morning in the semi-darkness, 15 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. Huddling under my comforter, I oriented myself to the day and to my purpose. Ah, no after school lessons today! And no appointments either! This day will be super-productive! I practically hugged myself with excitement. Did I mention I’m a morning person? Yup – ever since I started doing work I love, I can’t wait for the day to break.
Shivering as I removed the comforter and reached down for my wool socks, I felt a rush of gratitude for my family. My husband was already downstairs rummaging in the fridge for milk for his cereal. Both kids were still sleeping – there’s such peace in the house when they’re sleeping! I tiptoed across the hall, and pushed open my daughter’s door that was slightly ajar. Breathing in her sweet smell, I gently nudged her to make space for me in her bed; my favourite time of the morning is the 10 minutes or so that we lay close together, welcoming a new day. And today, I was extra excited because – remember – it was going to be super-productive!
Fast forward an hour: Inaya was dressed, brushed, fed, and sent off with a hug and a kiss to school. Her two-and-a-half year old brother, also fed but not dressed, joined me in my studio with his babies and their stroller and I settled down to be…super-productive.
And then I got the news.
Via email, I learned that a friend of mine from long ago is having a tough time battling her disease. And my day stopped. The tears started and they show no sign of ending for now.
I’m going to keep this post short so that I can love myself by honouring the way I feel. I am sad. I am devastated, actually. And I have a choice. I can ignore my emotions and try to be super-productive – which I won’t be able to do and then I’ll be frustrated that I’m not, which would really be my grief in disguise.
Or I can do what I really want to do, which is get on my knees, beg the Universe for a miracle, cry and then snuggle with my son on the couch.
Sometimes my to-do list, no matter how wonderful, can take a break so that I can have these human experiences that I am meant to go through. Today I love myself enough to do that.
Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici/FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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So sorry to hear about your friend’s condition and so honoured to hear how you honoured yourself and your friend. In my prayers. Cuddles and love.
Hi Ntathu, thanks for your words. Hope you are doing well!
What an amazing, heartfelt message. My thoughts go out to you and your friend with a big hug. I could so identify with how you felt. I have often had similar feelings when life experiences seem to overwhelm me, and I realize I need to get back to basics and take care of my needs. Being close physically to someone you love or spending time with nature are two things that have helped ground me, renewing my energy for myself and others. Your writing is so honest and pure Taslim, like a ray of sunshine to brighten and enlighten my day. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Sandy, I like how you said “get back to basics” because really that’s what it’s about. Giving ourselves permission to do that, though, can sometimes be challenging. Thank you for your kind words – I’m so glad we met and hope we have many more opportunities to write together.