Things have been busy around here. In the next two months, I’m launching 3 Let ME Out!! products, redesigning my living room and walking my dad down the aisle, so to speak. All fabulous things but they’re making my to-do list look like the crazed markings of a lunatic.
I opened my eyes this morning in the semi-darkness, 15 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. Huddling under my comforter, I oriented myself to the day and to my purpose. Ah, no after school lessons today! And no appointments either! This day will be super-productive! I practically hugged myself with excitement. Did I mention I’m a morning person? Yup – ever since I started doing work I love, I can’t wait for the day to break.
Shivering as I removed the comforter and reached down for my wool socks, I felt a rush of gratitude for my family. My husband was already downstairs rummaging in the fridge for milk for his cereal. Both kids were still sleeping – there’s such peace in the house when they’re sleeping! I tiptoed across the hall, and pushed open my daughter’s door that was slightly ajar. Breathing in her sweet smell, I gently nudged her to make space for me in her bed; my favourite time of the morning is the 10 minutes or so that we lay close together, welcoming a new day. And today, I was extra excited because – remember – it was going to be super-productive!
Fast forward an hour: Inaya was dressed, brushed, fed, and sent off with a hug and a kiss to school. Her two-and-a-half year old brother, also fed but not dressed, joined me in my studio with his babies and their stroller and I settled down to be…super-productive.
And then I got the news.
Via email, I learned that a friend of mine from long ago is having a tough time battling her disease. And my day stopped. The tears started and they show no sign of ending for now.
I’m going to keep this post short so that I can love myself by honouring the way I feel. I am sad. I am devastated, actually. And I have a choice. I can ignore my emotions and try to be super-productive – which I won’t be able to do and then I’ll be frustrated that I’m not, which would really be my grief in disguise.
Or I can do what I really want to do, which is get on my knees, beg the Universe for a miracle, cry and then snuggle with my son on the couch.
Sometimes my to-do list, no matter how wonderful, can take a break so that I can have these human experiences that I am meant to go through. Today I love myself enough to do that.
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