Most Of The Time I’m Pretty Neurotic

You know when you read personal development blogs and you think wow, that person really has their act together?  They must be like a crazy organized, zen, balanced superhuman?  I used to think that but I don’t anymore.  Why not?  Because I am the voice behind a personal development blog and guess what?  Most of the time I’m pretty neurotic.  I thought you’d like to know that.  In fact, I stated it right there in the title of this blog post because I knew it would reel you in.

Here are 3 more dirty little secrets that may shock and relieve you at the same time:

  1. I fear many things on a regular basis.  I alluded to one, not so discreetly, yesterday when I told you about my very unrestful Savassanahs.  I’m sure a lot of parents out there will relate to the fear of something horrible happening to their children.  Rest assured, I am one such parent.

I also fear looking like an idiot and I have to push past this fear every time I publish a post, here and on my recreational blog, The Artist’s Loft.  When you’re a highly sensitive introvert, it’s a bit daunting to invite the entire world into your mind.

Another fear I have is falling ill just before an event I am looking forward to and not being able to attend, especially one that I have a big part in – like I’m a speaker, or facilitating a workshop or hosting my child’s birthday party.

I know it’s important to turn our fear into fuel, to charge past these strong emotions, wipe the sweat from your pits and do it anyway.  I know that there is ‘nothing to fear but fear itself’.  (Did you know that’s a quote by Roosevelt, NOT Winston Churchill?  I just found that out.  My world just shifted on its axis a teeny bit.)

  1. Technology gives me anxiety.  Well, that’s being a bit dramatic.  I should say, if I had to deal with technology on my own it would give me anxiety.  I can get by.  I can set up a blog.  I once even set up a webpage using html, with step-by-baby-step instructions from a college teacher.  But faced with a computer, unaided, makes my right leg jiggle up and down.  As it is, I have come to have no shame in asking techies for help (in the form of frenzied text messages, emails and phone calls) doing even the smallest things.  It’s a little time consuming to do it this way, but not as time-consuming and annoying as having to figure it out myself.  I have decided that it’s OK with me to ask someone who loves this stuff to do it because a) I’d rather spend that time writing or reading or coaching or hanging out with my family or taking a shower b) if I have to fork out some money for the help, hey, I’ve just supported someone else’s business and passion and that feels good! and c) there are some really cool techie people out there I may otherwise never have met or re-connected with.

I’m no dummy.  I’m not against continued learning but when it comes to technology, too much changes too quickly.  This is how I choose to simplify my life.

  1. I have control issues.  Right now I’m in the middle of setting up a community workshop at a local coffee shop.  This type of venue is teaching me a lot about the control issues I have.  I want to be able to control the noise level, the music level, the lighting, the seating.  Everything.  I know that letting go will allow for more positive energy to flow.  I know that with the excitement and passion I feel toward this workshop everything will go well.  I know that the best things happen when we least expect them to, when we don’t plan for them, when we give the reins to Something Else, when we let go and let God.  I would still like to control the world sometimes.

So there you have it.

A lot of the credentials earned in this industry, for me anyway, seems to be from on-the-job training.  Every event in my life has brought me to this point –  the point where I am growing comfortable in my own skin as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a yogi, a creative life coach, a speaker, a writer.  ME.  So even though it seems like I’ve catapulted light years on this new path and therefore, I must have figured out all of “this stuff” overnight in some prophetic dream, no.  That is not how it happened.  I was merrily, and not so merrily, going about my life while the pathway was being laid and I said in the very first post of this blog, I’m on “a path that’s been paved by innumerable events, big and small, and that I have only recently begun to recognize.  You know when you’ve been driving on auto-pilot, going the same route to and from school or work every day?  At some point on the drive you go, ‘Hey!  Where am I?  How did I get here?  Oh right…that’s where I’m going.’  Yeah, it’s like that.  Only, recognizing your creative path is a lot more exciting!”

Bringing my first-born home from the hospital; I had no idea what was ahead! Inaya was a catalyst for my creative life <3

And so that’s how someone with fears, anxieties and issues just like you has come to be the voice behind a personal development blog.

The point of this entire post is to illuminate some of those shadowy areas of the personal development industry, to tear down the barrier between us and them, the ones who have it figured out and the ones who don’t.

My philosophy is that we all have the answers we need in our Selves, waiting to be heard, that will lead us to fulfilling lives of happiness, passion and brilliance!  I don’t have YOUR answers but I have had to dig for mine enough to have discovered some neat tricks along the way that I love sharing with YOU.  I love it so much, it makes my Self buzz with such giddiness, that I have made it my work.  And it chose me, too.  It’s quite a love story!

I know this was a long post and so thank you for taking the time out to read it.


2 thoughts on “Most Of The Time I’m Pretty Neurotic

    1. Thank you, Nazira!! I am loving it, too. It’s extremely liberating even in its most scary moments 🙂 I am starting to understand why people who practice true honesty say that there is no other way to live!

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